


The Last Letter

by Skyler10



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, NOT OT3, Post-JE, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5745049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyler10/pseuds/Skyler10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten leaves Rose a letter for Tentoo to give her after Bad Wolf Bay II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the TimePetals prompt: Ten x Rose, angst, with the line, “Please forgive me”

Rose sniffed, refusing to let the tears fall, and squeezed the hand of the man next to her in the cab. Familiar Norwegian coastline flashed by out the window. The wild, cold waves crashed outside, reflecting the chaos in her heart.

“He left you a note,” the new new new Doctor beside her said softly. He held out a wrinkled piece of paper. The hope – no, desperation – in his eyes was too much to bear, so she took the message just to have an excuse to look away. She prepared herself as she opened the folds, wondering if anger or grief or relief or understanding would pass through her at the words she was about to read.

_My precious girl, by now I’m gone – well, I’m not; I’m there with you too, but this me, ol’ two-hearts, I’m gone. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t explain more about him. I know you like it when I tell you things and don’t just… Anyway. I think you already know why I couldn’t say it. I know you’re going to ask, you see. I know you very well, Rose Tyler. And you know me. (Don’t forget that. No matter what body I’m in, I’m still me.) And I know this, what I’m about to do once we drop this lot off, I know this is going to hurt you and confuse you a bit. I know … I have to break your heart a bit. But I’m going to make it better. Well, this me won’t. But that me will. You’ll see._

_I know you’ll be ok in the end. And that’s all that matters to me, you know. He can give you what I never could. All those nights wishing, days running hand-in-hand, pretending to be married on that one planet (ok, a couple planets), those kisses we never talked about in the morning, the future we wished we could have… he was me then too. And now you get to have it all, Rose Tyler. Everything we wanted._

_I know you’ll say it wouldn’t have mattered, that you would have stayed with me until the end. Forever. And I can never thank you enough for that. For everything you’ve given me. But he needs you, Rose. And, please forgive me for this, but I think you need him too. My song is ending soon, but yours is just beginning. Yours and his. And that makes it worth it – losing you again. Letting you go. How much you probably hate me right now. It’s alright. Be good and angry for a while. I deserve it for what I’m about to do. If it makes you feel better, curse my name. (But not his. Even though they are one and the same. Oh, you know what I mean.)_

_I’m sorry for so many things, Rose. I’m sorry I could never tell you how I feel, when I should have told you every day. I knew you needed to hear it. It did need saying, but I can’t. It’s not my place anymore. Again, please forgive me for this, but your place is with him now. With your family. Defending that universe. It needs you as much as you need each other. I know you don’t want to hear that, but you know it’s true. I’m sorry I had to leave the way I know I will on that beach, because I’m a selfish coward. But you already know that. But I’m sorry for it anyway. I’m sorry this isn’t what you worked so hard to come back for. I’m sorry I can’t give you everything we dreamed about, that you planned while you were building that cannon (and I’m sorry I never got to ask you about that! You are incredible, Rose Tyler.) And I’m sorry that it probably won’t be easy, living with a part-human me, stuck on one planet while the TARDIS coral grows. But you once said stuck with me wasn’t so bad, so I’m holding you to that._

_I will probably be rubbish at this human thing for a bit, and this loving-you-like-you-deserve thing, and probably a bunch of other things that will come along once you’re together on that side of the void. Just be patient with that me, yeah? Please, don’t give up. Please forgive me when I’m mucking it all up, like I do, and please, do one thing for me, Rose. Don’t have any regrets. Don’t look back too long._

_So don’t you worry, my pink and yellow human. This is your happy ending. Make it fantastic. For both of me. The one writing this letter and the one there with you, wherever he decides to give this to you, hoping that you’ll smile at him again the way you did that Christmas. If he sees that smile, he’ll know it’s going to be alright. That maybe someday, you might love him the way you once did._

_With both of my hearts,_

_The Doctor_

Rose read it again, then squeezed her eyes shut, trying to keep an abundance of salty droplets from falling to smudge his words. The last words she would ever read from her fully Time Lord Doctor. She startled when a hand cupped her cheek and the same brown eyes she was mourning stared deep into her own.

“Thank you for this,” she exhaled. There were so many more words that needed to be said, things to clarify and stories to tell and explanations to make, but for right now, those four were enough. Along with these:

“You’re still you?”

He nodded.

“Then I love you. I always have and I always will. My Doctor.”

 

* * *

 

 

On the other side of the void, a rain-drenched Doctor had sent the TARDIS into the vortex. He forgot for a moment, after all that flurry of activity, that it really was just him now. All those people, gone home to their lives. Lives and people that mattered. Family and friends who could keep them safe and loved and alive.

Now that he was alone, the numbness of action thawed into a throbbing ache in his soul. The weight of the darkness pressed in around him on all sides. He closed his eyes and communicated with his one remaining friend. His sentient home sent him telepathic waves of comfort, but somehow it only translated into emptiness. Better than the oppressive dark, but still too quiet.

He sighed, making his way to his room. Sleep. Just a quick cycle to recharge and he would be ready to go, same old life, adventures and saving worlds and finding trouble. He knew he was lying to himself, even as he stripped off his suit and collapsed onto the soft duvet. As he did, his eye caught the photo frame on his bedstand. He never kept reminders of them around after they were gone, not as a habit, but ever since Donna said the words “Bad Wolf” after enduring a pocket universe, he had kept this particular photo of a certain blonde on his bedstand. Whether he had hoped she would be in his bedroom to see it some night or just wanted the reassurance that she was, in fact, coming back, as so many others had hinted (even as far back as Pompeii), or if he just liked to be reminded of her and who she made him, he kept this one companion’s photo where he could see it in his most vulnerable moments. And right now was the most raw he’d felt in a long time.

He knew he did the right thing, given the circumstances, but a selfish part of him still grieved. Of course, he grieved for Donna and for all he had lost, but right now, staring at the flat image of Rose, it was so much more complicated than that. He begged her photo to understand why he had done what he did. He hoped she read the letter. That the other him had actually given it to her. That she hadn’t been so angry she ripped it to shreds. That she wouldn’t take out her anger and sadness on that him. Above all, he prayed for her forgiveness, his golden goddess in human form. A little internal voice of reassurance coaxed him into relaxation and then into sleep. It reminded him that, of everything in the multiverse, if there was one thing he believed in, he believed in her.

 


End file.
